Start By Believing

“I believe you. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry this happened to you and I’m here for you.”

These words may seem simple, but they matter deeply. Survivors often fear being blamed or dismissed. By affirming their truth, you offer them safety and validation. You don’t have to say all the right things or have all the answers. Just by being there, believing them, and standing by their side, you are making a powerful difference.

Avoid saying things like:

• “Are you sure?”
• “What were you wearing?”
• “Why didn’t you say something sooner?”

Something terrible has happened to them, and they’ve trusted you enough to disclose it. It doesn’t matter how they were dressed, if they were drinking, if they engaged in risky behavior, etc. No one deserves to be sexually assaulted. Focus instead on listening with compassion and without judgment.

Let Them Lead the Way

Respect their choices. Let them decide what happens next.

Sexual assault takes away a person’s sense of control. One of the most supportive things you can do is give that control back. Let them decide:

• Whether to talk about the details
• Whether to report to police or seek medical care
• Whether to seek counseling or other services

Resist the urge to take charge or “fix” it. Their healing must happen on their own terms.

Be Patient and Present

Healing is not linear. Show up consistently, even when it’s hard.

Some days, your loved one may seem okay. Other days, they may be angry, withdrawn, or scared. This is normal. You don’t need the perfect words—just your presence. Try saying:

• “I’m here if you want to talk, and also if you don’t.”
• “It’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling.”
• “You’re not a burden.”

Educate Yourself

Understanding trauma can help you support without unintentionally causing harm.

To truly support a survivor, it’s essential to understand how trauma affects the brain, body, and behavior. By learning more, you can respond with empathy instead of judgment.

Fight, Flight, Freeze, and Fawn: The Body’s Survival Instincts

When someone is being assaulted, their brain doesn’t stop to think through every option. It automatically shifts into survival mode—and that doesn’t always mean fighting or running. Survivors also might:

• Freeze (unable to move or speak)
• Fawn (try to appease the attacker to stay alive)
• Go limp or dissociate (emotionally detach to survive)
• Seem “calm” or “quiet” during the assault

These are all involuntary trauma responses—not choices. They are how the brain protects someone from unbearable pain and fear.

After the Assault: Common Emotional and Behavioral Responses

Survivors often show unexpected or confusing behavior. This is normal—and it doesn’t mean they aren’t hurting or telling the truth. They might:

• Delay telling anyone for days, months, or even years
• Minimize or question what happened (“Maybe I’m overreacting…”)
• Seem numb, withdrawn, or overly cheerful
• Have memory gaps or trouble recalling details
• Feel ashamed, guilty, or blame themselves

Trauma can distort memory, emotions, and self-perception. Survivors are often processing in pieces—and your patience helps rebuild their sense of safety and trust. Survivors may struggle to:

• Trust others, even loved ones
• Feel in control of their bodies or choices
• Make decisions or feel confident
• Feel safe in their own skin

Sometimes they’ll push you away, only to later seek closeness. It’s not personal—it’s part of their healing.

Flashbacks and Triggers

Your loved one may be triggered by things you don’t expect: a smell, a phrase, a loud noise, a TV scene, or even physical touch. Triggers can cause:

• Sudden panic or rage
• Shaking, sweating, nausea
• Silence or emotional shutdown
• Avoidance of places, people, or conversations

This isn’t overreacting—it’s their nervous system reacting to perceived danger. Even when they know they’re “safe,” their body may not feel safe yet.

Offer Practical Support

Small acts of care can reduce overwhelm and show you’re there.

Instead of vague offers, be specific:

• “Do you need a ride?”
• “Would you like me to go with you to your appointment?”
• “Can I help you find a therapist or advocate?”
• “Would it help if I brought dinner or stayed with you tonight?”

Let them say yes—or no. And honor their answer.

Respect Their Privacy

Their story belongs to them. Don’t share it with others without consent.

Even if you’re trying to help, sharing details without permission can retraumatize your loved one. Respect their boundaries and timing. If you’re struggling, seek your own support without violating their trust.

Encourage (But Don’t Push) Professional Help

Therapy, advocacy, and medical support can be healing—but only if the survivor is ready.

Let them know help is available, and offer to explore options together. But avoid pressuring them. You can say: “Would you like me to sit with you while you call?” or “I can go with you if that feels safer.”

Take Care of Yourself, Too

You cannot pour from an empty cup. It’s okay to need support.

Supporting someone through trauma can be emotionally exhausting. Make space for your own emotions. Seek out your own support system. Try:

• Talking with a counselor
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Practicing rest and self-care

You’ll be more grounded and effective as a support person when your own needs are acknowledged, too.