Is It Abuse?

Young woman with braided brunette hair looks concerned as she sits with her back to a male figure

Abuse doesn’t always leave visible scars. It can be emotional, verbal, financial, digital, sexual, spiritual, or physical—and sometimes, it can be hard to tell if what you’re experiencing is truly abuse. If you’re feeling confused, afraid, or constantly walking on eggshells, trust your instincts—something may not be right.

You are not alone. Our online assessment tool is here to help you reflect on your experiences and recognize warning signs. This quick, confidential guide walks you through common patterns of abusive behavior to help you determine whether you—or someone you care about—may be in an unsafe relationship.

No one deserves to be controlled, threatened, or hurt. If you recognize abuse in your relationship, or if you’re still unsure and just need someone to talk to, we’re here to support you. You deserve safety, respect, and peace.

Relationship Quiz

This questionnaire is meant only as a quick tool for assessing some of the common risk factors of relationship violence. No tool will ever be as accurate as your own feelings and intuition at determining your risk of danger. No matter what your score, if you feel uncomfortable or fearful in your relationship, please reach out for help. Answer all 20 questions to see your score.

Begin 

Ready to move on to your results?

Yes No
1

Does your partner frequently or violently accuse you of cheating or flirting with other people, when you haven’t?

2

Does your partner ever look at you, or use body language, in ways that make you afraid for your safety?

3

Have you stopped talking to, or spending time with, other friends or family members because of your partner?

4

Do you feel you must frequently explain yourself or justify where you go, what you wear, who you’re with, etc., to your partner?

5

Has your partner ever hit, slapped, kicked, bitten you, pushed you down, or otherwise physically hurt you?

6

Has your partner ever threatened to harm you, your kids, friends, pets, other loved ones, or themself if you leave them?

7

Does your partner eavesdrop on your phone calls, read your text messages, or hack into your online accounts to check up on you?

8

Does your partner call you names, constantly criticize, put you down in front of other people, or tell you you’re worthless/stupid/ugly, etc?

9

Does your partner lash out at you but then tell you it’s your own fault, or that you’re making a big deal about nothing?

10

Do you feel that you have to constantly “check in” with your partner to let them know what you’re doing?

11

Has your partner ever broken something that belongs to you on purpose, in anger, or in order to “teach you a lesson”?

12

Has your partner influenced you to drop out of clubs or hobbies you enjoy, so that you can spend more time just with them?

13

Does your partner steal from you, demand you give them money, buy them things, or tell you how to spend your money?

14

Has your partner ever forced you to have sex, or to perform any sexual activity that was painful or humiliating?

15

Has your partner ever strangled you, or threatened to strangle you? Ever compressed your chest, held something over your nose and mouth, or otherwise cut off your air supply?

16

Does your partner follow you around, spy on you, or leave you threatening messages?

17

Does your partner’s temper frighten you?

18

Are you afraid to ever contradict or disagree with your partner because they may react violently, break your things, or retaliate?

19

Do you find yourself embarrassed or apologizing for your partner’s behavior toward you in front of other people?

20

If you wanted to, would you be afraid to break up with your partner?

How you can help